


Push Ups

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Series: Short Stories! [42]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Clint Barton is an Instigator, Crack Fic, Funny, Gym Sex, Honestly Don't Take This Too Seriously, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Natasha has good ideas, Push up Contest, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Sam's Arms, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Steve and Tony are ridiculously sappy and we love it, Steve is easy, Stony - Freeform, The Boys Make a Bet, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony is Horny for Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 08:53:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18847714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: It started out as a joke.“I can definitely do more push ups than Steve.” Sam said casually– oh so casually– over cereal one morning. “His muscles just look pretty, there isn’t any real strength there.”“You can definitely do more push ups than Steve.” Bucky casually– just so fucking casually– agreed, studiously ignoring the way Steve was coughing milk out his nose and swearing about how badly Trix tasted coming up the wrong way. “Your shoulders can carry the weight of the world, Steve’s are only there to balance out them ridiculous tiddies.”“Oh Sam can 100%, no questions asked, without even breaking a sweat, do more push ups than Steve.” Clint had to raise his voice over the ruckus Steve was making in the background. “Sams arms are like ebony pillars, Steve’s look like the supple limbs of an Irish milk maid who spends the afternoons staring at her reflection in ye olde river in the back of ye olde pasture.”“I can definitely do more push ups than Steve.” Sam decided.It started out as a joke.Then Steve yelled, “SQUARE UP MOTHERFUCKER!”





	Push Ups

**Author's Note:**

> This is....
> 
> Well, I had a (stupid) thought and I wrote a (stupid) thing. 
> 
> Enjoy some plotless funny nonsense

It started out as a joke. 

“I can definitely do more push ups than Steve.” Sam said casually– oh so casually– over cereal one morning. “His muscles just look pretty, there isn’t any  _real_ strength there.” 

“You can definitely do more push ups than Steve.” Bucky casually– just so  _fucking_ casually– agreed, studiously ignoring the way Steve was coughing milk out his nose and swearing about how badly Trix tasted coming up the wrong way. “Your shoulders can carry the weight of the world, Steve’s are only there to balance out them ridiculous tiddies.” 

“Oh Sam can 100%, no questions asked, without even breaking a sweat, do more push ups than Steve.” Clint had to raise his voice over the ruckus Steve was making in the background. “Sams arms are like ebony pillars, Steve’s look like the supple limbs of an Irish milk maid who spends the afternoons staring at her reflection in ye olde river in the back of ye olde pasture.” 

“I can definitely do more push ups than Steve.” Sam decided. 

It started out as a joke. 

Then Steve yelled, “SQUARE UP MOTHERFUCKER!” 

And in between shouts of “Language Cap!” and Bucky congratulating Clint on a truly terrible comparison between Steve and ye olde Irish maiden and Natasha walking into the kitchen, surveying the scene and deciding she didn’t have the patience before walking back out–

–Suddenly it wasn’t a joke.

*****************

“Here’s how we’ll do it.” Clint drew up a graph in the living room later that day. “A contest over five days, two sets of push ups, morning and night. In a test of sheer endurance, the All American Energizer bunny over there can go for days which isn't really fair o Sam. So we break it up, make it fair. Whoever can do the most amount of push ups in the time allotted for five days straight wins the contest. Captain America vs. _Not_ Captain America.”

“Lets go.” Steve said immediately. “Right now Sam, throw down.” 

“Okay first of all?” Sam’s look was nothing less than  _highly_ judgmental. “I dunno what Tony has been doing to you that makes you think you gotta prove your manhood so quickly–” Steve _squawked_ in horror and Bucky fell off the back end of the couch laughing. “– but calm the fuck down. Second of all, Clint’s very pretty chart–”

“– it  _is_ pretty, isn’t it?” 

“–it’s very pretty. Clint’s very pretty chart _clearly_ says we aren’t starting till tomorrow. So take ten to twenty percent off the top there, get some sleep, maybe talk to your boyfriend about your insecurities, and I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Hey!” Steve pointed a finger in Sam’s direction. “I do  _not_ have insecurities.” 

“Sure you don’t big guy.” Clint patted him on the shoulder. “Lots of men with no insecurities run around carrying big honkin’ shield and driving big flashy vehicles and wearing flashy uniforms. By the way, you’ll notice I wear muted colors and drive a plain vehicle? There’s a reason for that.” 

“Oh yeah?” Steve retorted. “No insecurities? Which is why your mouth never stops running and every time you grab your bow you stroke it a few times and compliment it on being so big?” 

“I– um– well–” Clint gaped at him. “I mean—” 

“That’s what I thought.” Steve stomped past, calling back, “Tomorrow morning, Sam! Get ready to get your ass handed to you!” 

Bucky, Sam and Clint stood in silence in the living room looking down at the chart for a few minutes before Clint said, “I– I only talk to my bow sometimes. You gotta take care of the things that take care of you, right? And I mean, it’s a big bow. Seems right I should compliment that, right?” 

“Yeah.” Bucky scratched at his head. “Wish you weren’t so fuckin’ awkward bro.” 

********************

Day one, and Steve hit the gym mat like a maniac, blowing through nearly three hundred pushups in five minutes, then doing it again that night. 

Sam took it slower, clocking in at a not-unimpressive hundred pushups in five minutes, then just about eighty that night. 

Day two and Steve did it again, with JARVIS recording to make sure he was doing every single one of the three hundred he bragged about. Sam’s were recorded too but he was still humming about at an entirely leisurely pace with his work out. 

Day three was the same, as was day four, and when day five broke Steve was laughing in Sam’s face over breakfast. “I am up to twenty five hundred push ups, Wing boy.” he said triumphantly. “Twenty five hundred. How are you feeling putzing around at seven hundred and twenty three?” 

“Feeling just fine, Cap.” Sam said easily, calmly, _suspiciously_ calmly but Steve was too busy boo-ing him to notice. “You know what they say, slow and steady wins the race. I bet you won’t even get twenty five done today.” 

“No one has ever called Captain America slow and steady about  _anything_.” Steve declared and Bucky didn’t skip a beat answering, “Which is why Tony’s been calling you the minute man, huh?” 

“I– He–” Steve’s jaw dropped. “I’m not– I’m not a minute man! Tony is always satisfied with my– how would you even–” 

“Yikes.” Sam whistled low. “That is some tough stuff right there, Cap. Tough stuff indeed.” 

“Tony calls me a minute man because I’m always up and ready to  _answer the call_!” Steve shouted. “Not because I’m up and  _done_ in sixty seconds!” 

Sam cackled his way out of the kitchen and down to the gym with Sam in tow. Clint slurped loudly at his milk and raised an eyebrow at Steve. “Wish you weren’t so fuckin’ awkward bro.” 

“Damnit.” Steve scowled. “I wish I wasn’t so fuckin’ awkward either.”

*****************

“Hey baby.” Tony peeked his head in the gym nearly an hour later, just as Steve was getting ready to start his round of push ups. “You got a minute?” 

“For you?” Steve gathered Tony close, smooshing a kiss onto his lips. “Sweetheart, I have  _hours_. How are you?” 

“Been missing you a little bit.” Tony admitted, cuddling tighter against him. “And I got done with my project early so I thought maybe we could….?” his hands strayed lower than was strictly necessary on Steve’s butt. “Hm?” 

“I would love that.” Steve said honestly, and maybe a little ferociously, still stung from the guys’  _minute man_  comment this morning. “But I’ve got to finish these push ups real quick first. Five minutes then I’ll take you up stairs.” 

“Can I stay and watch?” Tony wanted to know, all big brown eyes and soft hair wearing nothing but leggings he’d stolen from Natasha and a hoodie that was obviously Bruce’s and  _oh god_  he was beautiful and perfect and Steve couldn’t have said no if he even wanted to. 

“I won’t get in the way.” Tony promised and stepped back a little bit so Steve could start. “Jesus  _Christ_ babe, I love the way your shoulders look when you do that.” 

“Yeah?” Steve slowed down a little, emphasizing the pull of his muscles beneath the tight shirt. “You like that?” 

“So sexy.” Tony reached out to touch, flattening his palm between Steve’s shoulder blades. “You are ridiculously sexy.” 

“So are you.” Steve paused to give Tony a lop sided, love sick smile. “I’m so lucky to have you.” 

“I’m so lucky to have  _you_.” Tony returned and when Steve straightened his arms, Tony took the chance to wiggle onto the floor and right beneath him, smiling up at him impishly. 

“Babe, I can’t do push ups with you beneath me.” Steve said patiently. “I need four more minutes, come on.” 

“Sure you can.” Tony wiggled a little more, spread his legs and bent his knees so they hugged Steve’s waist. “I’m not in the way, you still can get down all the way, it’s fine. JARVIS, can Steve still complete a full push up with me in the way?” 

 _“Yes sir_.” JARVIS intoned. “ _Each motion would still be considered a full, legal push up based on the parameters set by Hawkeye_.” 

“See, babe?” Tony’s grin was nearly devilish. “Still legal. Come on. I’ll even help you count.” 

“Tony.” Steve sighed but lowered his body anyway, eyes widening in surprise when Tony only moaned as they lined up, knees spread just enough to let Steve settle in the vee of his thighs for a few seconds. 

_Oh my._

“Tony–” 

“One.” Tony said smugly. “Got another in you, Spangles?” 

“Two.” Steve retorted and this time he pressed a little tighter when he came down. “Am I squishing you?” 

“Not even a little bit.” Tony’s breath caught on  _three_ and on  _four_ he lifted his hips to meet Steve halfway, rubbing against him languidly until Steve’s eyes darkened in interest. “Mmmm,  _five_.”

“ _Six_.” 

“ _Seven_.” Tony slid his fingers into Steve’s hair and captured in a slow, heated kiss. “Keep going, babe.” 

“ _Eight_.” Steve sighed over another kiss, sucking at Tony’s tongue and dragging his teeth over a full bottom lip.

“ _Nine_.” Tony hooked his ankle around Steve’s calf and yanked down on the next one, keeping them pinned together for a few seconds. 

“ _Ten_.” A groan when Steve felt how hard Tony was, the thin leggings doing absolutely nothing to disguise anything. “ _Tony_.” 

“There’s my minute man.” Tony said smugly on  _eleven_ when he closed his hand around Steve’s cock, stroking him through the work out shorts. “Have I ever told you how much I love how  _ready_ you always are? Makes me feel good knowing I turn you on so fast.” 

“I knew that was why you called me minute man.” Steve huffed and kissed Tony’s look of confusion away. 

 _Twelve_ was less of a push up and more of a slow grind, and  _thirteen_ was a one handed push up, Steve’s other hand firmly down the back of Tony’s thotty leggings and squeezing greedily at the world’s best ass. 

 _Fourteen_ had Tony shoving Steve’s shorts down his legs and they both cursed at  _fifteen_ when their cocks slid together and  _sixteen_ had Tony proudly pulling a half used bottle of lube from Bruce’s his hoodie because he had definitely completely planned to get his boy friend nekkid in the gym. 

 _Seventeen_ was the worlds longest push up, as Steve stayed draped over Tony’s body for a good few minutes, gasping and panting as Tony stroked them together and  _eighteen_ wasn’t so much a push up as it was a  _thrust_ and no one would have called the next several dozen  _movements_ legal push ups at all, so they stopped keeping count. 

 And Steve definitely didn’t get in his usual three hundred push ups, but Tony was giggling and soft and satisfied and Steve didn’t care about the push up contest anymore. 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t won anyway, he could definitely enjoy Tony in his arms for a few more minutes. 

*********************

“The fuck do you mean I didn’t win!” Steve exploded. “I did two thousand, five hundred and eighteen push ups–” 

“–probably just two thousand, five hundred and seventeen if we’re being honest.” Tony cut in and Steve kissed him thoroughly before amending–

“–alright. Two thousand, five hundred and seventeen push ups. And there is no way Sam did more than that.” He maintained. “No fucking way.” 

“Okay, as you’ll see on my very pretty chart–” Clint pointed to his graph. “Cap, you did an impressive amount of push ups. And if you’d done your usual three hundred this morning and this afternoon, you probably would have won.” 

“Sam barely made eight hundred push ups.” Steve denied. “No way he beat me. He would have had to do two thousand push ups to beat me.” 

“Okay, but the contest was between Captain America and _non_ Captain America.” Clint explained patiently. “And since technically  _anyone_ is non Captain America—” 

“I did two thousand push ups while you and Tony were busy in the bedroom doing that thing that makes you squeal like a stuck pig.” Bucky confirmed, then flexed his left arm. “Cyborgs for the win.” 

“I– you– what!?” Steve’s jaw about hit the floor. “Are you KIDDING ME! WHAT IN THE FUCK!” 

Then he swiveled around to stare at Tony, narrowing his eyes and scowling in only the way Captain America could. “ _Tony_? Did they ask you to distract me today so they could win?” 

“Okay in my defense.” Tony held up both hands and Sam snorted a laugh. “In my defense, we’ve never actually fooled around in the gym, which is frankly ridiculous because you  _know_ seeing you sweaty gets me all randy. And I’ve asked and you’ve always told me no and– and I just couldn’t pass up the chance to do it this time. If you’d told me yes before, this never would have happened. So if you really think about it, all of this is  _your_ fault.” 

“MY FAULT!” 

“Furthermore, I’d like to add that Bucky has very graciously allowed his name to be written as S-A-M for the purposes of this contest.” Sam butted in. “So if you look at Clint’s delightful chart, you will see that I, Sam, did in fact do more push ups than Captain America. Case closed, bet won, game set match, points to the Falcon.” 

“Which is only fair.” Clint added. “Seeing as how his arms are literal canons of goodness.” 

“Can confirm.” Bucky agreed. “Who wants to go for a run?” 

“Yeah, start running.” Steve had  _death_ in his eyes and Clint  _eeped_ and started backpedaling. “Because when I catch you –” 

All four were off like a shot, Sam screeching at the top of his lungs and Bucky dragging Clint along by his collar while Steve pounded after them. 

“Coast clear?” Natasha asked and Tony laughed at her. “I can’t believe you coerced Steve into gym sex just so Sam could win a bet.” 

“What do you mean you can’t believe it?” Tony rooted around in the freezer and pulled out a tub of his favorite ice cream, cracking the lid and handing Natasha spoon. “It was your idea.” 

“Hm.” Natasha took a big spoonful of the dessert. “I plead the fifth.”


End file.
